Do I need to be a bad child to be virtuous?

From a utilitarian child.

This post was inspired by a phone call I made a few days ago to my mother where I told her I was turning vegetarian. I knew it would be rough it worked out even rougher than I expected. The phone call quickly turned strongly cathartic as she believed I was making a grave mistake and that I was unjust in doing what to her seemed to be an other-regarding action. Many harsh words were exchanged. This was not unique - I talked to two other individuals raised in East Asian households which elicited similar if not stronger responses when telling their family about their choice to without meat. One friend told me that coming out vegan elicited a stronger response than coming out as gay.

It seemed necessary to for me to try vegetarianism if I were to seriously consider myself a virtuous individual. Over time at university, I started to take seriously the idea of suffering as inherently bad no matter the agent. My take on this is that, all else being equal, less suffering is preferable to a world with more suffering. It is in my power to reduce suffering and I derive significant pleasure from minimising suffering. Radical empathy and the resultant radical moral circle seems to be a virtuous thing to do and so If I were to be virtuous, vegetarianism should be something I should do. I regard my potential career as likely to have significantly higher expected value in impact.¹ Yet, for as long as one can do something of significant positive impact without sacrificing a comparable disutility, it seems to be a easy virtuous act. Thus, my career seems to have little impact on my individual case for virtue. I will leave the instance of moral demandingness for another time.

The crux of my conundrum is that pursuing virtue, as I understand it, seems to necessitate disappointment. For virtue necessitates adherence to a moral code, even if it disrupts personal ties. Otherwise, being virtuous would require being a people-pleaser, a yes man, someone willing to continue unvirtuous acts if their circles are so.

I would imagine for many of my readers, this seems necessary yet, at the same time, feel some sort of sympathy for my mother who thinks I am doing a very unvirtuous act. To reconcile these two, its worth having a peak at other standards of virtue.²

My mother's moral system very much emulates that of China and which intern embodies many Confucian ideals. Confucian principles of virtue have duty and propriety within a hierarchical, communal framework taking centre stage. Benevolence (ren), as envisaged by Confucius, is often expressed through the cultural concept of face (mianzi) and is deeply embedded in social relations. Within the family, one is expected to fulfil's ones duties especailly in relation to their parents.

In the eyes of Confucian virtue, my vegetarianism disrupts this order. The sharing of food, often including meat, is a significant social ritual in Chinese culture, promoting family cohesion. My deviation from this norm is seen as a violation of the principle of "Li", disrupting harmony and causing displeasure at the family table. My mother’s emotionally charged question — what was the point of studying at Oxford if it led to such disruptive decisions — reflects this deep-rooted cultural clash.

Her anguish stemmed from this perceived violation of Confucian duties. And yet, despite the tumult, I stand by my decision. I believe in my path to virtue, even if it seems to clash with her ethical framework. She told me that she did not know if she could continue to love me conditional on being vegetarian. These comments came from a place of angst, a visceral emotional reaction displaying a cathartic release so integral to be human. Yet regardless of me stating her emotional state of the comments with full confidence, she would be uneased by my mention of this. Why? Because I have further violated my duties.

Does this make me a rebellious figure within my cultural context, a "bad child" of some virtue? Maybe so, but it also reinforces my belief that the journey to virtue is as diverse as our cultural landscapes, forever intertwined with our personal growth and transformation.

A less philosphical and one more reflective version of this substack was featured in EA Lifestyles.

Effective Altruism and Eastern Ethics

1. Intrigued readers may have a further read on similar lines from Nate Soare's "On Caring" article.

2. I would highly recommend this condensed ClearerThinking post for more on this.